Leonardo's Nightmares
by skorso
Summary: While the fight with Shredder left physical scars it also left Leonardo battling his mental injuries. - Set after Season 2 final - 2012 series.
1. Part 1

**I enjoyed the season 2 final far too much! It was so good - most definitely my favorite episodes of any Ninja Turtles cartoon. **

**I'm the youngest in my family, so while I can't really relate to Leo's position I can only imagine the responsibility and worry that comes along with being the oldest and the _leader _of your brothers. I used to be very annoyed by Leo but as I grew older and began to understand him more I grew to like him a lot. I think Leo has to take on a huge load that he doesn't have anyone he can share tat with because he constantly needs to be the rock and foundation holding his brothers together. **

**Well, I hope you enjoy this. :) Please, feel free to R&R... **

**I may or may not make this more than a one shot. I'm really not sure yet. I'm still working on my Bones fanfiction which at the moment comes first. But if I'm every inspired I might add to this. **

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><p><em>The Shredder's powerful kick to his plastron sent Leonardo flying back slamming his shell into a wall. The back of his head slammed against the hard surface and sent colors flashing in front of his eyes and searing pain racing through his head. Leonardo dropped to the ground pressing his forehead against the cold cement ground as he tried to handle the pain. <em>

"_You turtles are so weak," Shredder said beneath his helmet. He strode up to Leonardo and pushing him over, planted his foot on Leonardo's chest. _

_Feeble from the fight, Leonardo tried to lift himself from the Shredder's heavy weight but it was futile. He glared up at the Shredder with more hate and disgust than he had ever felt for anyone in his entire life. _

"_You have been a long over due pestilence, it's time you're taking care of once and for all…" Shredder lifted his hand over his head, his razor sharp blades gleaming in the dim overcast light. _

_Leonardo's heart raced and pounding painfully against this ribs. Shredder swiftly brought his hand down and the icy cold blades pierced through Leonardo's chest. _

Leo's breath caught as he sprung forward and clutched his chest. He slowly looked down at his shaky hand and saw no blood. Glancing around the room, he saw his brothers peacefully sleeping in April's old house and the TV playing a random sitcom. Evidently they had all fallen asleep watching TV.

Swinging his feet over the side of the couch he rested his head in the palm of his hands and gathered his breath. This was the sixth nightmare you had since his duel with the Shredder. Each one had the same inevitable ending - his death. He restrained from sharing these dreams with his brothers. As the leader, Leo had to be sure he was always at the top of his game and since he injuries were taking long enough to heal they really didn't have time to worry about his silly dreams. Not to mentioned they had enough to worry about with Splinter missing and all.

The tight ball of anxiety that had knotted itself in Leo's chest slowly began to untie, but he was still left with some anxious residue everyday. Taking a deep breath, he reclined on the couch and glanced at Raphael.

Raphael - though he would never admit it, he envied his brothers fearless attitude. Sure they named Leo "fearless leader' but it was a sarcastic nickname. Raphael somehow always managed to pick himself up and push on. Why wasn't he the leader?

It was the greatest honor in the world when Master Splinter dubbed him the leader but Leonardo had been sorely ignorant of the responsibility and burden that followed the role. At first, he had assumed that he would just continue being a big brother but with more authority. When the reality kicked in, it was almost worse than his defeat with Shredder.

The constant fear for his brothers and idea he possibly made a mistake putting their lives at risk constantly weighed on him every mission. He would become explosively angry when his brother ridiculed him for his mistakes but it was only because he was so scared. He never showed them this anger though - he had to be the strong, big brother.

Leo stood up with some difficulty and limped outside and sat down on the front porch. The chilly breeze of the midnight air was refreshing and relaxing. Closing his eyes, Leo reminisced on his nightmare then shoved it back into the innermost part of his consciousness. There wasn't time to deal with it. He had to be the leader his brothers expected of him and nothing less.

He had to be perfect.


	2. Part 2

**I'm peeved -.- This wasn't supposed to be more than a one shot but then my mind raced into this knew idea. Meh.**

**Rest assured, I am still working on my Bones story but that, unfortunately, is coming a long a little slower. It's a little more complicated to write then TMNT.**

**Well, I hope readers enjoy this next part. When there will be a follow up I really have no clue. This was a whim of the moment idea so I can't guarantee inspiration or ideas will come by me any time soon.**

**Either way, don't kill me if it takes some time (if ever, jeez) for the next part to come out.**

**(Note: They're called 'parts' and not 'chapters' because 'chapters' entail more responsibility and preciseness that I'm not even giving a hoot about this time round.)**

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><p>Leonardo sat outside taking in the freshness of the midnight air. The cool breeze filling his lungs was the most refreshing thing he experienced within the last few sleepless nights. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting the air fill his lungs to their fullest, then exhaled through his mouth feeling a slight edge off his anxiety.<p>

Just as he began to feel at ease, Leo's eyes shot open as an unnerving sensation crawled beneath his skin. He stood up and peered into the darkness to see if there was anything out there. Squinting and looking past the trees and shrubbery the only things he could make out were more trees. A squirrel crawling down the tree set his momentary fear aside and reassured Leo that he was just tired and paranoid. Leo sighed. He needed sleep, and while he didn't think he would be blessed with any tonight - again - he might go inside and try to catch all the shut eye that he could.

Turning around Leo clutched the beam for support. Just as he took a step onto the porch and looked up, his heart stomped in its beat and his eyes locked onto a tall man, with dark hair and deep brown eyes glaring down at Leonardo.

Leo took a step back automatically, robotically preparing for a fight and forgetting for a moment about his injuries. However, he was instantly reminded when he stepped on his wounded leg and it painfully gave weigh under his weight.

Falling to one knee Leo yelped and shot a pained glance back up at the man. "Who - are you?" He demanded, attempting to set aside his anxiety. He considered calling out to his brothers but he first wanted to see if this stranger even posed an immediate threat.

A malicious grin spread across the man's lips which immediately exposed his ill intent. He stepped down from the porch and closer to Leo leaning over him in a dominating and superior manner. "Yes," He said, with a thick Japanese accent displayed in his voice, "I suppose you wouldn't recognize me in this form would you, son of Hamato Yoshi?"

A confused expression laid weigh to Leo's face as he tried to stand. "What do you mean?" Leonardo asked, slightly less aggressively as most of his emotions were being outweighed with confusion and physical pain.

Just before he said anything the man paused, seemingly taking in the moment and enjoying Leo's bewilderment. "I am Oroku Saki…" If somehow possible the grin on Saki's face spread even further and grew more malicious.

Leo's eyes widened with revelation. "What? How is that even possible?" He stammered. "Raph!" He shouted reaching for his katana and struggling to stand on both his feet.

Oroku Saki laughed. "You sure you want to bring your brothers into this, Leonardo? Afterall, I am just a figment of your imagination…"

Leo stopped, his sword half drawn from it's sheath.

"Well, what were you thinking? That the Shredder all of a sudden healed from his scars and reverted to his younger self?" He laughed. "I had hoped you were smarter than that. No, Leonardo, I am your brain completely exhausted and trying to make sense of things with your lack of sleep."

Before Leonardo had the opportunity to take in what was being said or even what to think, Raphael, Donatello and Michelangelo filed out of the house at a brisk yet groggy pace.

Raphael stepped forward, with his hands loosely gripped around his sais. "What is it, Leo?" He asked trying to focus his eyes on his brother.

Leo's breath came out in short huffs as he shot glances between his brothers and the Shredder.

Oroku Saki stood literally a foot away from his little brothers making it impossible for them to miss him - which only meant that he really was hallucinating. Leo stammered, struggling to achieve a full breath and fighting the block of ice which felt like it restricted his voice, contemplating if he should tell his brothers what was happening.

"Leo, you okay?" Donnie asked rubbing his eyes, being the first to recognize Leo acting suspiciously. "What's wrong?"

The smile on Oroku Saki's face expanded with satisfaction. "Are you going to tell them," He asked. "Tell them that their big brother is going insane and losing his grip on reality. Hmph, I didn't expect you to be able to disappoint them even further."

Even though his heart was racing, he felt lightheaded, and his fingers were being pricked by tiny invisible needles, Leo sheathed his sword and centered his attention on his brothers. "Sorry... I thought I saw something in the woods…" He said, assuming that was the best excuse he could come up with. He couldn't tell them the truth. He was in bad enough shape as it was with his injuries and all. The last thing he needed to do was confirm any doubts they might have in him about his capability as leader.

Raphael's arm stretched out as he set forth a large yawn. "Well, I don't know what you're doing up anyways so why don't you get your butt inside and go to sleep…?" He suggested turning around and walking back inside.

Mikey followed, for the most part, he missed the location of the door and hit it's frame first before making it inside. Donnie gave Leonardo one last glance of concern but smiled softly and reentered the house when Leo assured him and said he would be in after a minute or so.

Once the door closed behind them Leo slowly kneeled on the ground and dropped his face into his hands.

"Lying to your brothers," The Shredder said shaking his head. "Tsk, tsk, Leonardo… Even I think that's bad."

His stomach knotted and his body ached while it starved and begged for sleep. Leo tried taking deep breaths but nothing eased his shaking body. Looking up from his unsteady hands, Leonardo gazed into the calm, dominating eyes of his worst enemy.

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><p><strong>Seriously, I don't have a flipping clue how a younger version of Shredder would behave. But for the purpose of this story he's going to be a young conniving sociopath just because.<strong>

**I hope some of you may have enjoyed this part. Please feel free to R&R. I don't bite. Even if I did I don't have a clue where any of you are so you don't have to worry...**


	3. Part 3

***whispers* I really shouldn't be working on this... **

**But whatever! I had to write. I hadn't done anything productive enough for my brain and what better than to write TMNT part 3 and wing it completely? NOTHING. Well, that's not true, but let's not tell my brain that. **

**I actually like this chapter the most. I love the brotherhood of all the turtles but their is something unique and engaging about Leonardo and Raphael so this chapter was especially delightful to right. **

**Donatello and Michelangelo have been particularly scarce in this story, I know, and I'm sorry. I want them in it more and so it shall be in the following parts. So stay tuned for the youngest turtle duo - because those two rock. **

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><p>Raphael took the last sip of milk from his cereal bowl, sighed and set the bowl down on the table. For some reason, breakfast was the most satisfying meal for him everyday. It accomplished and held out for him the most out of all the other meals.<p>

Raphael paused and shook his head. It had been too many days since he had any proper training if he was able to ponder _why_ he enjoyed breakfast the most. Standing up from the table he quickly snatched up his bowl so he wouldn't have to hear April yelling at him again for his laziness.

"Alright, you lazy shells, as soon as you're done eating we're training, got it?" He said to his two little brothers.

Mikey nodded but Donnie barely lifted his nose from the engineering book he held in his hands. "Yeah, uh-huh, Raph," He mumbled with the spoon loaded with soggy cereal hanging in front of his mouth for the last five minutes.

Raph rolled his eyes and walked away into the other room. April and Casey had gone to buy more groceries. Evidently, April had a problem with cereal as breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Raph didn't care, so long as he had something in his stomach every six hours.

He plodded upstairs to retrieve Leo and drag his shell out for some training. Just because he was injured doesn't mean he got out of work. Splinter had taught them that at day one.

Raph slowly pushed the door open into their shared bedroom and poked his head in. Leo lay on the bed farthest from the window and his shell facing the light. This morning when Raph and the others woke up Leo had been sleeping in the same way. Raph tried to wake him up then and come down for breakfast but Leo insisted to sleep for a little longer. Raphael hadn't pushed - he didn't care that much. If the fearless leader didn't want to eat he didn't have to. But he sure as shell had to train.

"Yo, Leo, it's time to wake up," Raph said, amiably slapping Leo's foot.

Leo let out a long exasperated sigh and rolled over. "I wasn't asleep," He said.

"Then get your butt out of bed and train," Raph retorted completely unimpressed with Leo's new nap schedule.

Swinging his legs over the side of the bed Leo rubbed his eyes with his palms and yawned. Raph's eyebrow raised as he looked at his big brother from the corner of his eye. It really wasn't like Leonardo to be so tired for no reason.

"What's got you beat?" Raph bothered asking, not sure why he cared. _He probably over estimated himself_, Raph figured. It was like Leo to think more highly of himself than what reality set for him.

Without even looking up, Leo shook his head. "Just didn't sleep well last night," He said flatly.

"Alright," Raph shrugged. "Well, once you're up to it meet me outside for some sparring." Snatching his sais and placing them in his waistband he preceded to leave when suddenly Leo stopped him by grabbing his wrist, surprising Raphael.

"Wait," Leo said. It was then Raphael noticed Leo wasn't just looking down, he was avoiding eye contact altogether. "I need to tell you something."

"Okay?" The uncomfortableness began to set inside his chest. Raph hated this 'we need to talk' moments and such. They were awkward and someone always got too emotional. It actually surprised Raphael that Leo was introducing such a conversation. Normally Leonardo expressed just as much discomfort about these kinds of situation.

Raph stepped back and stood in front of his brother, a little concern over taking his feelings of discomfort. Exactly, Leo never liked these situations either, so why was he all of a sudden bringing one up? _Great, that means something is seriously wrong. _Raph thought. Didn't they have enough on their plate? Splinter's going, Leo's injuries, New York being over run by Kraang infestation. He wasn't angry at Leo that something else was wrong, he just wished it could be something easily blown over so they could focus on other things.

"What is it, bro?" He finally asked after Leo didn't say anything.

Leo eventually looked up and it hit Raph how weary and utterly depleted he appeared. Dark circles underlined Leo's eyes and it seemed difficult for Leo to focus on anything in particular.

"Wow, what's up with you?" He asked more insensitively than intended.

Rubbing his eyes again, and pressing against them with the back of his palm Leo sighed. "I can't sleep," He admitted. From the tone of his voice it appeared to Raph that Leo was both embarrassed and relieved to relay this information to someone else.

"Since when?" Judging by his mere look it definitely had been awhile. Raph was surprised and impressed that Leo had been able to hide his exhaustion up to this - unflattering point.

"I don't know, maybe three days now…" Leo said glancing feebly up at Raphael.

"You haven't slept at _all_ for three days…." Raph repeated shocked and furtherly impressed. "Not even for a second?"

Leo shook his head. "I was already having shorter and shorter nights with nightmares but three nights ago…" Leo's voice trailed off and he looked down again, growing hesitant to continue.

"Three nights ago, isn't that when you called us outside? What happened then, Leo?" Raph really hadn't thought anything of that night. Leo said he saw something in the woods, no big deal, it happens. Evidently there was more to it that Leo left out.

Nodding to answer his first question Leo went on, "I'm not really sure but… can you promise you won't laugh?" A sudden look of total embarrassment and self-disappointed crossed Leo's face.

"Not really," Raph answered with flat out honesty. He thought they learned long ago that was a promise they could never keep in their family of four walking, talking, crime fighting, ninja turtles.

"I started seeing Shredder, like as in hallucinating him as his younger self when he was known as Oroku Saki…" Leo quickly blurted, wanting the words out of his mouth as soon as possible.

Raph's body froze but was quickly melted with anger. "Why would you think I would laugh at that?" He shouted, surprised by his own madness. "That's serious, Leo, you should have told me."

Worry always replaced itself with anger in Raphael. He didn't know how to deal with his emotions, especially the most vulnerable ones, so he formed them into a stronger and more threatening emotions.

Leo was obviously feeling guilty enough but Raph found it difficult to subside his aggression. He huffed, and said through gritted teeth. "Leo, I'm not mad at you but this is a big deal…"

"I know!" Leo exclaimed frustratedly. "I didn't want to tell you because I wanted to handle it on my own before I possibly made a big deal out of nothing but, Raph, I haven't slept in three days and I don't think I can keep going like this."

"Okay, calm down, Leo," Raph said forcing his own anxiety to take a breather, "Look, we'll deal with this. Don't worry."

For the first time, Leo looked up to Raph. Literally and supportively he looked up to Raph for help, for safety and security. And for the first time, Raph felt the shear weight of responsibility Leo carried on his shoulders looking after his three little brothers.

It was heavy.

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><p><strong>For some reason, writing this chapter in Raph's perspective, I realized that if I've captured Raph's personality accurately I relate to him more than I ever thought. I just thought it was a little interesting how writing some of these scenes I was able to pull from my own feelings and such and apply them comfortably to Raph's thoughts and reactions. Which actually, if it worked out, it great. Pulling from personal experience always makes writing a little easier. <strong>

**Not that this story is supposed to reflect my personality at all - oh goodness, no. I liked to write the stories with as much character and plot accuracy as possible. If personal life moments just benefit it I'll include it, otherwise my own life doesn't touch the surface of these documents. **

**Anywho, I don't ramble. I hope you liked this chapter. I liked writing it. Please, R&R, I'm curious what you think. :] **


	4. Part 4

**So for the record, readers, I'm not editing this. I don't have the time and don't want to taint the flow of ideas I have with too much skepticism that will hinder what I'm trying to get across. **

**And just to clarify, this part takes place just before Raphael walks into the room, just to clear things up. **

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><p>Oroku Saki laughed, looking down at Leo with disdain and superiority. "How pathetic," He remarked taking a few steps closer to the turtle lying on the bed with his head covered by his hands. "I am personally ashamed that the present me has found it so difficult to rid myself of you pathetic turtles."<p>

All night, Oroku Saki spoke to Leonardo or pounded his fist against the wall to keep him awake. At any second when Leo came close to drifting Saki would make a loud sudden noise and jolt Leo awake. This had lasted three days so far and this morning Leo hardly felt like getting out of bed, if he even could.

His body still ached from the battle with the Shredder but the insomnia only added to his discomfort and his wounds were healing slower than expected.

This didn't bother Leonardo as much as Saki being apart of his mind and feeding into his insecurities. It was as if the Shredder had unlocked his mind and read all his secret and personal documents for his own pleasure.

Just when Leo would think there wasn't anymore for Saki to attack his insecurities with, Saki would prove him utterly wrong. What was worse, it wasn't merely a fight against an invading consciousness, it was his own attacking itself. Nothing was safe from Saki's cold hands to wrap around.

More than ever did Leonardo miss Splinter. It seemed that this was the worst of times to develop such a precarious mental state of mind and Splinter wasn't even there to help guide him.

He was frustrated that for the last two days, while everyone else was going about their business he was having conversations with a figment of his imagination and trying to coerce it to leave. Of course to no avail. He couldn't help but think he was failing his brothers as a leader. He knew they never looked up to him very much in the first place and it made him flustered to think that now, they wouldn't think he was fit at all. He knew they cared for him as a brother of course, but he was a joke when it came to being leader.

Saki fed on this the most. He constantly replayed scenarios in the past where Raph disobeyed his commands, or when Donnie would second guess his decisions. Mikey, of course never argued, but he always took the winning side which wasn't often Leo. Saki also butchered Leo by making him question himself. It was one thing trying to convince his little brothers he was a suitable leader, it was another when he was losing faith in himself.

How many times had he failed, anyways? After all the mistakes he had to have lost count even if he had tried. Leo tried blocking the memories of his brothers being hurt because of him but Saki only pushed them harder.

Although he didn't want to, although he wanted to prove to his brothers, even Splinter, that he could handle all this on his own he knew he needed to tell someone before he became worse. Leo didn't know how he would be in the next day or two or how long he could even survive without sleep. It was difficult, but Leo set his pride down and decided to tell Raphael before things got out of hand. If he didn't take control of this soon it could result in hurting his little brothers and Leo couldn't bare the thought of it.

Just as Leo came to his decision he heard Raphael enter the room and slap his food. "Yo, Leo, it's time to wake up," He said.

Leo rolled over, feeling weighed down by the disappointment and anxiety bubbling in his chest, wondering if Raphael would find him pathetic. Despite how often they butted heads, Raphael's opinion did matter to Leo - a lot - which only set more ear into his heart about what Raph would think.

As Raphael bustled around the room looking for his sais they spoke nonchalantly, slightly easing Leo's fear. But just as Raph turned to leave and Leo snatched his wrist, it all flooded back. His chest tightened and he just wanted to curl up, find sleep, and not wake up again, or for a very long time.

He hated how this insomnia brought his typical depressed emotions to a much higher peak.

As Raphael stood in front of him with the usual put out look on his face Leo quickly began to recite what was going on, wishing the moment to be over as soon as possible, and he noticed how Raph's expression slowly began to ease.

Raph's outburst in fact comforted Leo. He knew that it meant he cared enough to get angry. And when Raphael reassured him that all would be fine, for a brief second Leo forgot about his craving for sleep and the massive pain throbbing in his body.

Until Saki finally chimed in, "What a burden you've laid out for your dear little brother to deal with. Not only is his brother and leader out of commission but now he has to baby you and take care of the others as well."

Leo sighed, looking back down at the ground. The side of his brain that was still halfway reasonable tried to assure him that that's what brothers were there for, but the other half which belonged to Saki insisted that as the eldest and most relied on brother there were absolutely no excuses to cast the burden on someone else's shoulder. As much as he hated it, Leo agreed with Saki.

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><p><strong>Please R&amp;R. My wandering mind wants to know what the readers think... I do hope you enjoyed it though. Sorry if I sort of rambled in the middle, as previously stated, I wasn't editing any of this. I really didn't want this to be MORE THAN A ONE SHOT ANYWAYS. So I'm pretty much doing what I can to finish this up but still do it justice, because the turtles definitely deserve as much. <strong>

**And might I complain for a moment that these parts are shorter than I think? I post them thinking I've practically written a novel then see I only have a little over a thousand words. Oh well... **


	5. Part 5

**Merry Christmas, everyone! It's super late and I'm very tired so I don't have much to say. But this chapter is a bit short I guess and might end a little awkwardly but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. :) **

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><p>"Thanks, Raph," Leo said, managing half a smile trying to reassure his little brother than despite his current state Raphael wouldn't have to take on the entire situation by himself. It was the most he could do at the moment.<p>

Raph nodded nonchalantly, obviously trying to play it off but Leonardo knew better from personal experience.

Raph sat down on the bed across from Leo, gathering they would be talking a little longer. "Once Don and Mikey know we'll really be able to get this thing under control."

"No," Leo snapped, unintentionally coming across angry. Leo quickly managed to compose himself. "No, we can't tell them. They don't need to worry about any of this."

Raph's face distorted with obvious disagreement. "They're not idiots, Leo. Well, Don's not at least - they'll figure something is up sooner or later."

Acknowledging Raph was right, Leo continued to insist they not tell them. "They don't need to know. Not after everything that's happened." Leo hardly wanted to admit it to himself but it felt like a miracle that Raphael hadn't shunned him nor evidently though less of him. But for some reason he still didn't want to take the chances with his youngest siblings. He had to still set an example to them even if it meant faking health.

Still seemingly unconvinced Raph didn't say anything for a moment until, "Whatever you say, Leo."

Leonardo could tell in a moment Raph obviously didn't like this. The fact that Raphael _wanted _to involve the rest of the family did make Leo think twice but his mind was made up indefinitely. No matter what, even if he was left with a shattered mind, Leo would do anything in his power to keep Don and Mikey in the dark.

Already with Oroku Saki invading his mental sanctuary, Leo hardly felt dignified enough to allow his weakness and personal insecurities be recognized by his two other brothers. It was hard enough letting Raphael in on the situation. Telling Donatello and Michelangelo seemed close to impossible.

Saki's soft but brawny chuckle tickled Leo's ears. "You actually think that you have any pride left to hold onto after this? That's adorable, turtle."

Leo stiffened and glanced at Raphael. A small look of realization crossed Raph's face and he raised a brow toward his big brother. "Is Shredder talking to you now?" Raph asked.

Nodding, Leo answered, "Yeah…"

Raph's hands turned into fist but he said relatively calm, "Come on, let's get you down stairs and some breakfast."

Though growing a little nauseous when trying to stand Leo successfully made it downstairs without getting too sick. As his lack of sleep lengthened his queasy stomach did as well.

A sense of ease ran through Leo as he sat down with Donatello, Michelangelo and Raphael. After the extended talk with Raph it was refreshing to sit down at the table as if things were normal

The normality quickly was vanquished by Saki's sudden presence standing behind Michelangelo who sat across from Leonardo. Saki smirked.

"Yo, dude, so you finally decided to join the land of the living," Mikey snarked following up with a large mouthful of cereal.

Leo managed to let out a small chuckle. "Yep, I'm alive." _Though I feel half dead_, he thought sarcastically.

"You are half dead as far as I'm concerned," Saki remarked. Leo shot an uncomfortable questioning look up at Oroku Saki, wondering what he meant.

"Hey, Donnie," Raphael said suddenly. When Donnie failed to reply as the book he read seemed to relinquish his ability to hear Raph reached forward and statched the book from his hands.

"Hey!" Donnie yelped dropping the same spoonful of cereal he had when Raphael had left and reached for his book. "Raph, give it back!"

"Hang on there, brainiac," Raph said, "I wanna ask you something."

Donnie's eyes narrowed with contempt, "Not till you give me the book back."

"Fine," Raph said rolling his eyes and handing the book to Donnie. "Happy?"

Donnie gently placed the book on the table and glanced up at Raph. "What?"

Raph shot a brief glance at Leo. "I was just wondering, how long can a person go without sleeping?"

Leo eyes darted over to Raph threateningly but Raph seemed unfazed.

The question immediately sparked Donnie's interest. "Well, no one actually knows for sure how long the human body can go without sleep but there are some significant side effects that happen when a person doesn't get sleep in more than twenty-four hours."

"Like?" Raph waved his hand indicating to Donnie to keep going on.

"Lack of motivation, losing time, blacking out, microsleep, and running on autopilot - that's just a few. Simple conversation can become more difficult and people can also start hallucinating."

"Hmph," Raph grunted.

But before he had anymore to say, Leo set down his spoon and said, "Why don't start training?" He knew what Raphael was doing. If Raph saw he couldn't convince Leo, he would try to still persuade Leo to change his mind but Leo was determined to deal with the situation between strictly them.

Struggling to hide his weary attempt to stand Leo followed his brothers outside where each of them retrieved wooden staffs to spar with. Leo caught Raphael shoot a few agitated concerned glances over at him but ignored it. Right now, he had to convince the other two all was normal.

Mikey spun the staff in his hand then leaned against it. "You sure you're cool, Leo?" He asked with only a hint of general concern. "You look pretty beat, man…"

Leo passed a reassuring smile to his little brother. "I'm fine, Mikey, really. I'm just a little tired."

Simultaneously, Oroku and Raphael snorted showing obvious dry disbelief, causing Leo to flash an uncomfortable glance between the two of them.

Oroku stepped behind Mikey and sighed. "Really, it's sad how you think lying will protect your family."

Leo clenched his teeth but refocused on his brothers before him. "Okay, let's start."

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><p><strong>I realize the ending may feel a little weird, but honestly, I think if I kept going it would have been worse haha. (And I'm REALLY tired and just need to stop before I start writing things that don't make any sense...) Hopefully the next part will be up soon. Thanks for reading so far. :)<strong>


	6. Part 6

**I pretty much forced this out because I knew if I didn't I would probably procrastinate. So sorry this is a shorty and probably awkward part. But I decided I'm going to try to finish this up by about four more parts. Anyways, hope you enjoy.**

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><p>Leonardo struggled to keep his eyes open and stay steady on his feet as he duelled<p>

with his brothers. Constant waves of fatigue washed over him and the second he felt he was about to collapse Saki clanged his metal wrist guards together startling Leo into acute consciousness.

As if the hypnagogia wasn't bad enough, Leo began seeing other things affecting his surrounding rather than simply Saki's presence. Even his brother's appearances altered at times making it difficult for Leo to focus.

Leo grunted as he barely blocked Mikey's staff flying down on him. Taking one step back Leo pushed Mikey off with the little amount of strength he had and faltered.

"Dude," Mikey chuckled, "You are seriously off your game today…"

Leo shook his head. "No, I'm fine." He wasn't sure who he was trying to convince more - his brothers or himself.

"We've been training for awhile now," Raph suddenly said, "We might as well take a break." As the others nodded and laid down their weapons Raphael approached Leo and said in a low voice, "Why don't you try to go relax somewhere? I can keep these two busy."

"I'm perfectly okay, Raph…"

"Don't even try to give me that…" Raph snapped snatching away Leo's staff and tossing it to the ground. "Go."

Nodding Leo turned and limped away until he found a peaceful tree to sit beneath. Settling down, Leo leaned against the tree and closed his eyes. Although he was fully away Saki wouldn't allow him to sleep, that didn't mean he wouldn't try.

It surprised Leo as he quickly drifted off into a steady sleep Saki hadn't interrupted him. After everything, he hardly believed a quick nap was going to be allowed. While a part of him wanted to question why Saki wasn't trying to resist his sleep his exhaustion begged for sleep and Leo hardly had a choice but to give in.

Though it felt like a mere fifteen minutes it was enough to make Leo appreciate sleep far more than he ever had. But his awakening was something he never wanted to experience. The sudden cry of Mikey calling for help snapped Leo out of his sleep in a split second.

Stumbling and wincing in pain as he stood up, Leo raced to the sound of his brother winced every time his foot hit the ground.

Hearing the cry again Leo shouted out reassurance, hoping he was being heard, "I'm coming, Mikey!"

"Help!" His voice was closer this time and Leo sped even more, eager to come to his brother's aid.

Bursting out of the bushes Leo hit the ground at full velocity scraping his chin clean of skin. Ignoring the pain to the best of his ability Leonardo managed to sit up on his knees and look up.

His eyes widened and fear gripped his stomach. Mikey's bruised and wounded body laid on it's side a he clutched his wounded side. Leo crawled to Michelangelo and frantically hovered over him with shaky hands, at a complete loss of what to do. "Donnie! Raph!" He shouted at the top of his lungs, hoping one of them would show up and help. "Mikey, what happened…?" He had to ask even though he really didn't want Mikey to use energy talking.

"The Foot found us…" He sighed in pain closing his eyes. "Dude, they totally caught me by surprise." Mikey gritted his teeth and began curling into a ball as the pain coursed through him.

"Okay, Mikey," Leo said softly, "no more talking. It's okay." Where were Donnie and Raph? Why weren't they here when this happened?

"Why weren't you here is a better question?" Saki suddenly said appearing before him.

Eyes stung with tears Leo faced Saki with so much anger and anguish his entire body trembled as he struggled to contain all of the emotions at once. "Because of you!" He shouted. "You're - you're the one hurting my family."

"You're the leader, Leonardo," Saki said, "No matter what it's your responsibility to take care of your brothers."

"Leo..." Mikey whispered in a barely audible voice.

"Yeah, Mikey? I'm here," Immediately Leo's attention shot to his hurt brother.

"I'm sorry," Mikey said to Leo's absolute surprise. "Sorry for not taking you more seriously."

"What…?" Before Leo could even ask Mikey anything Michelangelo's eyes slowly closed and his unsteady breaths eased into motionlessness. "Wait," Leo's breath caught in his lungs and suddenly his entire body went cold and numb, "Wait, no, no…. Mikey."

The numbness quickly evolved into rage. Unsheathing his katanas and growing oblivious to his physical injuries Leo lunged at Shredder, roaring.

"Hey! Leo, what the shell?" Raph yelled blocking Leo's katanas with his sais from stabbing him through the gut.

The opening Leo had found Mikey lying in, dying, vanished and Leo stood back underneath the tree he had napped under. Sweat dripped down his forehead and his breathing came out in rasp uneven huffs. "Where's Mikey?" He demanded.

Taking a step back from Leo's swords Raph replied, "back at the house as far as I know. I came to get you for lunch but you attacked me…"

Leo dropped his swords, leaned against the tree and slowly slid to the ground dropping his face between his knees. "It was a hallucination," he breathed with anxious relief.

"What was?" Raph asked, concern bordering on the edge of his tone.

Leo simply shook his head and didn't look up as he heard the laughter of Saki echoing around him. The hallucinations were clearly getting worse to the point Saki could control and convince Leo's reality. Unsure how much longer he could withstand this Leo took a long deep breath, wondering if his sanity was leaving him for good.

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><p><strong>It's late, so apologies if I made up words along the way :P. <strong>

**Overall, I love bloody scenes and deaths but I mean, this is a nick cartoon, it seemed inappropriate and I like to be as accurate as possible. **

**Sorry if the whole 'Mikey might be dead' section was a little awkward, I don't make a habit of writing character deaths often so I'm a bit unfamiliar with the best way to go about it. **

**ANOTHER apology that this part may seem rushed - it was... Heh heh. But as previously stated, I knew if I didn't force it out I wouldn't probably get around to it. **

**Either way, I hope, reader, you enjoyed it. Feel free to R&R. :)**


	7. Part 7

**I am plagued with a darn headache - again. See this is what happens when you go to bed too late and sleep in real late then drink coffee knowing it makes you sick. I am not a smart person sometimes. Anyways, through the pain I forced the sevenths part of this story out leaving me with hopefully only three parts left. **

**In the middle I switch point of view. I decided to do that instead of writing a whole new part. It seemed smarter to do it this way. You have been warned. **

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><p>After Leonardo's outburst, Raph took him home and sat him in front of the TV. It was the only remedy he could really think of since sleep wasn't an option. Raph stood in the kitchen shooting glances over at Leo. By the look on his face, Leonardo was obviously trying to ignore some conversation Saki was forcing him to have.<p>

"Hey, Donnie," Raph said turning to Donatello whom had entered the room. "What causes a person to have insomnia?"

Donnie stopped and looked directly at Raphael. "How long has Leo been awake?" He asked straight forwardly.

Raph stuttered. "What? How did you know?"

"I'm not Mikey." Donnie sat down at the table continuing to look on at Raph. "I figured it out as soon as you asked about it this morning. Leo already has been acting weird. It added up."

Actually relieved that Donnie figured it out and Leo wouldn't be able to get mad at him for ratting Raphael sat down and asked again, "So what causes someone to stay up like this….?"

Donnie sighed. "Honestly, it could be a number of things: PTSD, depression, mental disorders. Choose your pick."

"How am I supposed to pick something like that?" Raph snapped unintentionally.

Unphased Donnie continued. "I think in Leo's situation it's probably PTSD considering his recent fight with Shredder and the outcome."

"That could explain the hallucinations…" Raphael mumbled to himself.

Donnie's eyes widened. "The _what_?"

Eh, he could tell Leo that Donnie figured that out too on his own… "Yeah, well Leo's been sort of seeing Shredder." Raph laughed awkwardly suddenly a little startled by Donnie's seriousness.

"That doesn't really sound like PTSD then… In those cases someone usually relives an event, not hallucinate they're arch enemy…"

"Well, it ain't some mental disorder," Raph stated resolutely.

"Maybe he's depressed?" Donnie suggested tentatively.

Raph scoffed. "What's he got to be 'depressed' about? He's Mr. Perfect leader who can do no wrong." Just as the words escaped his mouth a sense of understanding washed over Raph. Leo sets up unrealistic standards for his brothers, it would make sense he set them for himself as well. After the fight with Shredder and the loss of Splinter it made sense he would come crashing down emotionally.

Looking over his shoulder at Leo rubbing his temples with a grimacing expression Raph asked, "Do you think it could be that?"

Donnie shrugged. "Leo's pretty optimistic. It would take a lot to bring him down."

"You mean like feeling like you failed your brothers and lost the fight that counted the most?" Raph glanced at Donnie who became rather quite.

"Yeah…" He said softly, "something like that."

_Typical_, Raph thought. Of course Leonardo would think so highly of himself that losing a stupid fight would depress him. How the shell was Raphael supposed to help Leo? It was then that Raph wished Splinter was there more than anything. Leonardo nearly worshiped Splinter, anything he would say would have made Leo feel better but Raph had no clue what Splinter would do to fix this situation.

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><p><strong>(Randomly switching POV. Don't kill me. *hides somewhere*)<strong>

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><p>So Donnie figured it out and evidently he was depressed. Taking a deep breath and exhaling Leo sunk into the couch cushions. After about five minutes he had stopped trying to see past Saki who had sat himself in front of the TV and started telling him Japanese fables.<p>

It bothered Leo how exhausted he was and how he was almost getting used to Saki bothering him 24/7. He was actually growing used to Saki's presence. Was he always going o be like this? He wondered with dread.

"You know," Saki said smiling at Leo almost friendly, "maybe if you would just talk to me I could help you."

Leo rubbed his temples and closed his eyes.

"Really, Leo. You and I have a lot more in common than you might think. We both have unreachable goals, high standards that are completely unacheivable, and both of us just want to protect the ones we love…"

"Just shut up," Leo sighed without even giving Saki a glance.

"I didn't say anything," Mikey said standing by the couch with a confused look on his face.

Leo looked up and smiled softly at Mikey, happy to see his little brother uninjured. "Sorry, Mikey," He said, "It was the -uh- TV. It's just a bit loud."

"Oh okay cool," Mikey said jumping onto the couch happily and grabbing the remote. "Mind if I change the channel."

"Go ahead."

As Michelangelo thumbed through the channels Leo's view was still obscured by Saki's figure but Leo hardly cared.

Leo tiredly gazed unfocused ahead of him when a sudden high pitched noise began ringing in his ears. Wincing in pain he covered them but it only seemed to get louder. "Mikey, would you turn the TV down?" He asked.

After the shrilling sound grew louder and louder Leo repeated his question to Mikey but Mikey answered with a confused look. "The volumes off, dude."

Groaning and leaning over Leo pressed his hands harder against his head trying to block out the increasing high pitched noise that sent painful feelings of sharp knives stabbing at his brain.

"Leo, you okay, man?" Mikey asked concerned, placing a hand on Leo's shell.

The pain growing unbearably agonizing, Leo stole a glance up at Saki who rubbed his chin and laughed softly. A sudden wave of nausea washed over him as the ringing continued. Through blurry eyes he saw his three brothers hovering over him and could see their mouths moving but their words were inaudible under the shrill ringing.

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><p><strong>Personally, I think this is feeling a little too serious for Nickelodeon's version of TMNT but you know what? FANFICTION! HA! I can get away with it. (Hopefully) <strong>

**Either way, I obviously thought it wasn't too serious or I wouldn't be posting it. Derp. Well, I hopes you like. Please R&R and let me know :) **

***dies from stupid headache she's not taking care of* **


	8. Part 8

**No, I am not staying up past two in the morning in my ninja turtle onesie working on this right now in the dark which will put ridiculous strain on my eyes and give me headaches….. Pfft. I am a responsible young adult…**

**But, hoping none of you will pick up on my bad habits, Happy New Year :)**

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><p>The ringing slowly subsided and Leonardo took a deep breath and removed his hands from his ears and rested them on his knees. He felt Raphael place a hand on his shoulder but still didn't look up.<p>

"I'm sorry," He breathed under his breath shaking his head.

"Are you okay, Leo?" Donnie asked concern surfing on his tone.

Leo nodded. "I'll be okay," he said calmly feeling a bead of sweat drip down his forehead. "Raph, can you help me upstairs.

"Sure thing, bro," Raphael said wrapping his arm around Leo's shoulder and heaving him into a standing position.

Raphael slowly led Leonardo upstairs and helped him to the bed where Leo sat down and leaned wearily against the bedpost closing his eyes. Leonardo felt Raphael watching him and heard him sit on the bed beside him.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Raph repeated Donnie's question. "What happened?"

All the guilt, stress and worry seemed to have suddenly vanished from Leonardo and now he simply felt empty and exhausted. Not willing to admit that Saki had one the battle Leonardo did have to come to terms that he was getting too tired to fight and for some reason his motivation was wavering.

Sighing heavily and disregarding the Raph's question Leonardo said, "I think you should lead the team…"

For a moment, Raphael didn't say anything but simply stared at Leo with widened eyes and a look of confusion and shock. But he quickly snapped out of it and replaced his bewilderment with frustration.

"No, I shouldn't," He snapped standing up. "What are you saying, Leo? What - what, are you just giving up?"

Hesitating before he answered, Leo didn't blame Raphael for reacting how he did. He probably wouldn't have been much different if the roles were reversed. "I'm tired, Raph. I thought I could fight Saki off but it's not just him…." He slowly trailed off, reluctant to continue.

Standing there, in front of his big brother, Raph impatiently waited until Leo didn't have much of a choice but to continue.

"I'm fighting me too," He admitted. "Maybe I've never was suited to be the leader. If I'm this easily deterred how can I really be suitable to guide all of you? Raph, you've always been the stronger and better fighter than me, maybe that's what Donnie and Mikey need."

"Those two nimrods don't need any of that," Raph said with an unsteady tone. "What they need is their brother who won't give up."

"I can't keep doing this!" Leo suddenly barked shooting his gaze up Raph. "I'm tired, Raph. _Exhausted_. How can I be a big brother to you when Saki is alternating my reality and messing with my head? You guys deserve better than this."

His fist curled into fist and Raph turned his head to the ground and closed his eyes back. Leo froze as he saw Raph fight the urge to cry.

"Is this what you wanted, Leonardo? To see your brother finally lose all hope in you?" Saki chimed across the room with his arms folded and his usual egotistic grin twisted on his face.

"Raph, I'm sorry," Leo began but he was quickly interrupted by Raph who put his hand up.

"You know what, Leo, if you want to give up, _fine_," Raphael briskly strutted out of the room but briefly turned around to say, "But it's not about what we deserve, it's about what we have and that's you, Leo. And none of us want anything else. You're our brother."

As Raphael's footsteps slowly faded into the distance Leo rested his head on the pillow and stared blankly ahead letting that numb vacant feeling inside him slowly consume hjm. Raph's words echoed in his mind and he felt the slight impact of them ratting at his mind.

Saki walked toward Leonardo and loomed over the bed. "How touching," he remarked. "But enough of all that lovey-dovey brother stuff…It's really quite disgusting after a while."

The high shrill shrieking began ringing in Leo's ears again much more intensely than before. Leo winced curling in a tight ball and covered his head with his arms.

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><p><strong>Yeah, so this was a pretty short chapter... But I thought it was about time for me to get it out there otherwise I never would. So, out of curiosity, I want to know what your favorite chapters are? I'm curious as to why and I want to look at them afterwards and see if I was writing differently that day or something. <strong>

**I hope you liked this chapter and feel free to R&R. :) **


	9. Part 9

**Yeah, ignore too many spelling and grammatical errors. It's four in the morning, my eyes are half open and I'm not taking a single second to edit this. I just hope I don't reread this tomorrow and realize I came up with a new language or something. **

**Hope you enjoy though, if it's understandable haha :)**

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><p>Leonardo wasn't sure how much time had passed between the time Raphael had left the room and Donnie came in and sat at the edge of the bed with his hands folded. The ringing had subsided into a background noise strictly inside his head. Like a song that is impossible to rid of.<p>

Struggling to lift himself up, Leo propped up onto one elbow then pushed himself into a sitting position. Rubbing his sore, heavy eyes, Leo swayed a little bit as he struggled to stay upright.

"Raph told me about your conversation," Donnie stated in a soft hushed voice. He seemed oddly uncomfortable sitting by Leonardo which immediately caught the older brother's attention.

Leonardo didn't say anything. He passively waited for Donnie to continue but what Donatello said next was both surprising and even though Leo was thinking the same thing, hurtful.

"I think you're right, you shouldn't be the leader anymore." The words came on cold and emotionless, as there was no regret or any sort of discomfort about saying this to Leo.

Clearing his throat, Leo simply listened as Donnie continued nonchalantly. "I think I never really questioned your leadership before simply because Master Splinter chose you and his word was never second guessed. But with Splinter gone and you like this, it's made me realize how unsuited for the position you are." Neither of them met eyes. Donnie simply stared forward as he stated his thoughts and Leo gazed detached at the floor. "I've always thought Raph was the strongest of all of us but like I said, I never questioned you as our leader till now. And for all our sake's I think you should just resign your position to Raph. Whether or not you decide to still be apart of this team is up to you. Either way I don't think you'll really make an impact in our lives."

Clenching his teeth, not so much as in anger but in hurt, Leo stole a glance at Donnie who had evidently looked at Leonardo. His eyes betrayed nothing. They were sincere and so lifeless.

"So you don't want me apart of the team anymore?" Leo asked, hoping Donnie could specify to set aside any questions Leonardo was asking himself.

"What I'm saying is whether or not you're here it doesn't make a difference to us."

Lowering his face into his hands Leo sighed deeply but the dark loneliness harboring itself deep inside didn't pass with his breath. He remained this way for a few minutes. Aside from the exhaustion he felt nothing. Nothing physically, and nothing emotionally. Everything that had previously been driving him to keep fighting seemed to have dissipated.

Lifting his head up, he saw Donnie replaced with Saki's figure sitting in the same seat.

Scoffing, Leo looked out the window where he was met with the afternoon sunset. "Another hallucination," he mumbled.

"They're becoming more convincing aren't they?" Saki asked with a sense of pride in his voice, as if he just presented Leo with some sort of an art piece.

Leo ignored Saki's remark, not because he refused to give Saki the satisfaction of a conversation, but because he was too tired to argue with his own consciousness. Saki frowned and tried standing in front of Leonardo to obscure his view.

"You can't ignore me, turtled. I'm in your mind. There's only one way to get me to shut up but unfortunately it'll have to end you too…"

Once again, Leo averted his focus.

"You're tired, Leonardo, and despite what your brother says do you really think any of them _really _want to stick around hope you can be a good leader? They need better than you. You've done nothing but drag your family down with your failures." Saki sighed, almost sympathetically but Leonardo wasn't convinced.

To his own surprise, Leo said, "they aren't expecting me to be perfect…"

"No, no, of course not," Saki said with growing excitement that Leo finally spoke to him. "But if you're not what kind of a leader are you? How can you take the risk of being a leader protecting your little brothers and be less than perfect?"

Under normal circumstances, Leo could have seen the flawed logic in Saki's words, but with his current condition and his insecurities overwhelming him, he clearly saw Saki's reasoning.

"You're only holding your brother's back. Maybe it's time to just give in, and let them lead they own lives without you…"

Closing his eyes, Leo rested his head on the bedpost when Raphael reentered the room with a glass of water which he put down on the nightstand.

"Sorry for what I said earlier," He said briskly. "Or for how I said it. I still mean it."

"I know," Leo breathed, lingering on the conversation that just transpired between him and Saki. Would it really be a relief to his brothers with his absence? He wondered.

"Look, we're not better off without you, Leo," Raph said, almost like he was reading Leo's mind. "Nobody's perfect and in fact if you were I think I'd hate you."

Leo chuckled with a dark sense of humor. "You don't hate me?"

Raph frowned. He was obviously trying to say something difficult and brotherly. Leo's side mouth remarks didn't make it easier. "No, I _don't _hate you. Not that you're always my favorite person."

"I just think you guys would be better off without me holding you back," Leo said suddenly serious.

Raph snorted. "Holding us back from what? It's not like we have some sort of long life goal ahead of us that you're restraining us from achieving. You lost one stupid fight with Shredder, it's not the end of the world."

"It's not just that I lost, it's… the fact I've never been there for you guys and I really have no impact on your lives and the little I do has only hurt you."

"You're kidding me. Of course you've been there for us, hundreds of times. Sure, most of the time I didn't want you to because I was being stubborn but that never _ever _stopped you…" Raph's voice slowly trailed off. "Leo, you've been there for more times than I can count and I honestly don't think any of us would have clue what to do without you."

Leo looked at Raph and noted the most sincere and passionate look Raphael ever revealed.

"I'm not really sure how to fight this but I know we can't unless you're willing to," Raph said.

_You're still his older brother, he needs you. _Leonardo clearly thought without Saki's opinion creeping through. Even though his whole body discouraged any more effort and his body still felt empty, Leo nodded. "Okay," he said. "we'll figure it out." Forcing a half smile to reassure Raph, a tiny spark of motivation seemingly ignited itself somewhere within Leonardo. He wasn't sure how long it might take but there was something deep inside him willing to go on.

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><p><strong>Alright, as far as I'm concerned there's only one more part after this and I'm done. I already have a vague idea what it will be so hopefully I'll have it up soon. Please R&amp;R, I'd like to know your thoughts and opinions. <strong>


	10. Part 10

**Alright, here your fellow little TMNT fans go! Part ten of Leonardo's Nightmare. The final part to one of my few first fan fictions. :) It's been a nice run so I hope you all enjoy the final part. Tell me what you think**

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><p>Part 10<p>

Leo stared ahead at the bloody scene of his murdered family. He felt the overwhelming sense of anguish consume him and the bitter taste of loss felt too real. Closing his eyes and curling his hands into fists Leo chanted to himself, "it's not real… it's not real…" Despite every cell in his brain telling him it was, he had to conquer and find his own subconscious and prove to himself it wasn't.

"You okay, Leo?" Mikey asked standing by the bathroom door looking in at Leo who sat near the toilet incase he had to hurl again.

Looking up at the orange clad turtle, Leo forced an uncomfortable and painful smile. "I'm okay…" He mumbled.

By the look on Mikey's face, Leo could easily see his little brother wasn't convinced. Sitting back and leaning against the bathtub Leo reassured, Mikey. "I'll be okay, little brother," he said.

Mikey nodded, slowly backing up and walking away with a sullen expression still lingering on his face. It bothered Leonardo to see Mikey so upset by him. Michelangelo was always the least affected in situations, so when something did have an impact on him, it made Leo more attentive to the situation or problem. But this time, Leo was the problem that was affecting Mikey and the only way he knew how to fix it was by getting better, but he still wasn't sure how he could do that yet.

His head spun dizzily and Leo closed his heavy eyelids while resting his head on the edge of the tub and sighing. Even while his eyes were closed, he didn't cease to see. His vision was obscured with fake images that even though Leonardo knew consciously weren't real, still managed to affect him significantly as he tried to obliterate them and take control of his own mind.

Leo opened his eyes when he heard the footsteps of Raphael stop in front of him. "Come on," Raph said, "Let's get you some fresh air." Helping Leo to stand up Raphael led Leo outside and assisted to get Leo seated on the front porch.

Sitting down beside him Raph looked out at the sunset and sighed. "How do you feel?" He asked rawly.

"Awful," Leo said shortly not up to elaborating on his deteriorating health. His head constantly ached, his body craved sleep, he couldn't eat without feeling sick, and his bodily injuries were still healing very slowly. The only thing that seemed to have improved within the last eleven days was his negative outlook. While he still felt nearly hopeless, he regained the desire to fight but lost the energy to do so.

"You'll be fine," Raph said very seriously looking down at the ground. Leo stole a glance at Raph, concerned by the odd note of doubt that was underlying his tone.

Not entirely sure what to think, Leo simply replied, "Of course…" Had Raphael finally come to his senses and realized Leo wasn't going to get better? Anxiety and self doubt wrapped itself and choked Leo's heart. Looking away from Raph's indifferent face Leo redirected his gaze at the sunset.

After a few unbearably quite minutes Raph stood up and stated he needed to help Donnie inside with something. He was vague and seemed disinterested in sharing anything with Leo. Once the sound of Raph's steps faded inside the house Leo stumbled to his feet and slowly began to limp into the forest. He wandered until he reached the creek which he knelt into and looked at his reflection.

As Leo took in the sight of his weary eyes and dull expression Saki's shadow loomed over him and his wicked face appeared behind Leo's. Leonardo sighed. "What?"

"So he's finally given up on you," Saki breathed failing to cover his satisfaction.

Leo shook his head, unconvinced, "No, he's just tired."

"No, Leonardo, _you're _tired, _he's_ lost hope for you," Saki repeated seeming more satisfied as his disgusting grin grew. "Look at you, you're pathetic." Leo couldn't argue as he stared despondently at his reflection "What is there for him to see in you to believe you'll get better? Admit it, turtle, you've lost the battle. You're a failure Splinter would be so ashamed of you."

Spinning around Leo thrust his fist at Saki but Saki's body dissipated and reappeared a few feet away. "He selected the wrong brother to be the leader. You're obviously not fit or strong enough to guide your family." He taunted taking slow steps back when Leo drew his swords and swung one at him futile. "Splinter was a ignorant foolish rat to think you could follow in his footsteps. Look where you've brought your brothers, Leonardo!" Saki suddenly yelled almost angrily as his body suddenly resumed the present day Shredder and his voice resumed it's deep and menacing tone. "You lost to me and now New York is lost to the Kraang and your brothers are stuck on a farm because of their crippled leader."

Yelling angrily, Leo tossed his katanas to the ground and shouted, "You win! Fine, I'm a failure! I failed my family!"

"No, you haven't…." Leo turned around and looked sadly at Mikey who hesitantly stepped out from behind a tree.

Leo scoffed, laughing darkly, "Tell that to Raph. You should have seen how dissapointed he looked not ten minutes ago…"

"Dude, Raph's been out training all morning…" Mikey said with obvious worry.

Shooting Shredder a tired and defeated glance, he realized the scenario with Raphael had been a hallucination.

"Mikey," Leo softly spoke. "I'm sorry. I got you all in this mess and I can't even help myself much less my family… I failed you guys. I failed you, Mikey." Unable to hold a confident gaze Leo looked down, ashamed.

Unexpectedly Michelangelo walked to Leonardo and wrapped his arms around his neck tightly. Leo stood there still and surprised.

"You haven't done anything wrong, bro," Mikey mumbled into his shoulder. "We all messed up back home. But there wasn't anything we could do… You can't blame yourself for what happened." Suddenly backing up Mikey looked sideways with a look of guilt.

"What?" Leo asked curious why Mikey of all people looked guilty.

"Honestly, dude…" He said, "I feel bad I wasn't there to help you fight Shredder and you got hurt because we couldn't help you."

Leo's eyes widened with surprise. He hadn't considered for a moment that any of them would have felt guilty. "Mikey," Leo said, "It wasn't your job to look after me, it's mine to look after you -"

"That's hogwash, man," Mikey snapped. "We're brothers! We look after each other. Maybe you are the leader but we are still a team. It's not you plus us, it's _all _of us, dude."

"Wouldn't you like to believe that?" Shredder snapped, sudden concern in his voice. "You're the leader! You're the one who -"

"You're right, Mikey," Leo said looking up, a sudden sense of control over his mind coming over him. He glanced at where Shredder was standing, "it's all of us… I'm sorry for being so selfish…" he felt tears suddenly sting his eyes as the guilt of failing to beat Shredder turned into guilt of being so self absorbed with himself.

Mikey resumed his embrace and this time Leo wrapped his arms around Mikey as well. "It's all cool, bro," Mikey said.

Shredder laughed angrily but then shouted, "NO! You're pathetic, you can't actually believe you can get better. Look at you! You're -"

The voice ceased, his presence disappeared. Leo grinned softly and rested his chin on Mikey's shoulder finally feeling the peace he was dying for the last two weeks finally settle in. While he still felt ashamed for being so self consumed, being held by his brother's forgiving embrace set aside his anxiety and replaced it with warmth.

Taking a step back, Leo wrapped an arm around Mikey's shoulder and said, "Let's go home…"

Mikey smiled, appearing like a pleased five year old who was just given a candy.

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><p><strong>As so many of you wanted more of Mikey what better way to conclude it than with Mikey shining light on the situation? I wanted to elaborate more honestly, but school started and I've just been too tired and busy to write but I wanted to finish this for everyone so I hope I did okay. <strong>

**Maybe see you all later for the next fic? ;)**


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